Tears

By Rae on Feb 05 2010

Comments (24)

24 Responses to “Tears”

1. kelseroo on 05 Feb 2010 at 7:35 pm #

   

   I am a cryer too. For me, I don’t just cry when I am sad or upset. I cry when I am in a tense situation. I cry when I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I can’t help it! Every time I’ve ever had to apologize to someone (for something important) I cry. I cry when I see someone else crying. I cry tears of joy. It’s pretty pathetic, really. Sigh… but what are you gonna do?

2. kelseroo on 05 Feb 2010 at 7:38 pm #

   

   I forgot to add something- I once got into a big discussion with a friend of mine about the difference between boys and girls when it comes to crying. He told me that for boys, crying does not just happen. He said that when his brother died, he couldn’t cry- he wanted to to release some of the pent up feelings, but couldn’t. I could not understand that problem- not being able to cry? What? For me it just happens without my control. He said that doesn’t happen to boys. Not really sure if I believe that.

3. Rae on 05 Feb 2010 at 7:42 pm #

   

   Oh, lordy, the crying when you see someone else crying is the worst! It’s like a chain reaction when it comes to my family. My mother starts crying and soon all of us are blubbering and hiding our faces in our sleeves!

   So I hear ya. I’m pretty good at staving off the tears. Except when I’m tired. Then all bets are off and I’m right there with ya, Kelseroo. And all ya can do is accept that it’s ok so that when the mocking starts you can shrug it off.

4. John Cabrera on 05 Feb 2010 at 7:59 pm #

   

   Yeah, your friend is not right on that, Kels. I’ll add more in a bit.

5. Mélanie on 05 Feb 2010 at 8:18 pm #

   

   Yeah, I cry easily for TV Shows as well. I can even catch just the end of a show that I never even watch usually (say ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’), and yet, I’ll manage to get tears in my eyes. I usually fight the tears, but sometimes, it hurt too much (gives headache to fight tears.. don’t try to resist!), that I end up letting go and cry like a baby.

   I also disagree with Kels’s friend. I think it’s a socio-cultural stereotype and it’s just that many men are raised not to express their feelings, but even then, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but perhaps we are less aware of it because they don’t admit to it.

   Now feels like watching a movie with John. I’d like to cry in a movie along with a man, for a change

6. John Cabrera on 05 Feb 2010 at 8:38 pm #

   

   Haha! Mel, you do know I didn’t write this post, right? This was written by my guest blogger @raelee. I knew that would happen, Rae.

   Although, I cry in my fair share of films too.

7. Molly on 05 Feb 2010 at 10:19 pm #

   

   I agree with Mel’s idea that it’s society that makes it seem like most men don’t cry. Personally, I think it’s a person to person thing. I cry very, very little. Hardly ever at tv shows or movies or sad songs, I tend to cry when I get frustrated or worn out and it lasts very shortly, only a minute or two and then I’m done. I also don’t like to cry in front of other people. Not because I don’t want to seem weak or anything, I’m just a very private person with my emotions.

   It’s kind of funny that you made this post this week because I’ve seemed to be crying more lately. I cried at the end of the first hour of Lost on Tuesday, I almost cried while listening to a Taylor Swift song (one I’ve heard before, too, no idea what caused that) and I almost cried while talking to one of my friends who was really upset.

   I agree that a good cry is often needed and makes you feel better afterward.

8. John Cabrera on 05 Feb 2010 at 11:14 pm #

   

   I’d say, I’ve gone through phases in my life where I’ve cried more than others. As a kid I was very prone to tears. It didn’t take much to make me choke up. It mostly happened when I got deeply embarrassed about something. And that would sort of snowball because the embarrassment of the tears themselves would actually make me even sadder. And the harder I tried to contain them the worse it got. I used to put my head down so that no one could see. I’d stare down at the ground, and then I would open my eyes as wide as I could so that the tears would just drip off of my eyeballs onto the floor. That way, after they did, I could look up and there wouldn’t be tears rolling down my face.

   But as I got older, into my teens and 20s, I just stopped crying. Maybe all that struggling against the tears hardened me… and for large pockets of my life I couldn’t really remember what it was like to get that sad.

   But over the past decade I started to soften again. Maybe my work as an actor has helped me get there. And while I don’t cry watching just any sad film, I can easily get emotional if there are any circumstances in the scene that I can strongly relate to in some way.

   For example, on Lost, I think sad scenes with Sawyer tend to make me emotional, because I can relate in some way to his character. The vulnerability that he tries to hide.

   And of course, I full on cried while watching Up. But who didn’t??

   I’m glad you wrote this post, Rae. It’s a really nice balance to all the Lost nerdiness that’s been blogging out of me over the past two weeks here.

9. Pauline on 05 Feb 2010 at 11:26 pm #

   

   I’m with you Rae… I cry all the time. I find it will helps sooth a panic attack if I just cry. But movies, books, TV shows, songs… you name it, they all get me. One of the WORST shows is Ghost Whisperer. My mom likes it so we watch together… I sit there and complain the entire episode how cheesy and lame… but then as soon as that dang Jennifer Love Hewitt sends the ghost into the light and she tears up… I tear up too. Annoying.
   I have a weird one though… For the last few years I often start to feel like I’m going to cry while I’m fixing my dinner and then I sit there as I eat and cry as I’m eating. Not sure what that is about… it’s just bizarro.
   Childhood trauma? Well, when I was a kid, my pony got foundered and I couldn’t ride with the rest of my cousins that afternoon. I went out into the pasture by the woods and asked if I could ride on back of someone and the would pretend like they were going to let me on but at the last minute would gallop away. I started to cry and they rode around me in a circle galloping their horses and singing, “Cry baby cry… put your fooot in your eeeye!” over and over. Finally, Kristy, my oldest cousin decided to let me on the back of blacky… I got up on the water trough to get on. I fell in and got into trouble with Granny for getting wet. I had to sit on the couch in my underwear and watch her soaps with her instead of riding. You’d think I’d never cry after that but nope… I do it all the time.

10. Pauline on 06 Feb 2010 at 12:05 am #

    

    Aw J! You remind me of my older brother so much… Especially after reading this post. And that’s a good thing cause my brother is awesome.

    He also told me that he cried like a baby for the first 15 minutes of Up.

11. Pauline on 06 Feb 2010 at 12:06 am #

    

    Comment… Not post… Oopsie.

12. Hanna on 06 Feb 2010 at 3:15 am #

    

    Yep, another cryer here. I tend to cry when whatever the situation is feels emotional and I feel a connection. Kinda like John commented a few posts up. But it’s just not the sad emotional stuff. I sometimes get teary-eyed just on the street when I see a happy baby or child with their parents. Makes me think how I want twins and how cute they’d be and…then I’m needing a tissue. Or maybe it’s just the cold wind that blows to my sensitive eyes?

    There was actually a movie that took me 3 nights to watch cause I literally couldn’t stop crying. Just as I got calm there was another scene that made me cry and it took me ages to feel calm and not cry. Sure the film was sad but it wasn’t that sad but I felt emotionally and otherwise connected, and crying was a way to deal with those emotions.

    Grey’s is such a cryfest. Anything to do with Meredith’s daddy-issues or Cristina finding herself and wanting to be the best she can be…I’m crying. Just like I was crying yesterday when Cristina opened up to Owen.

    And SYTYCD and AI. It’s the chills and crying. Actually one of my favorite moments when watching those are when the contestants, judges and audience are crying and the energy comes thru the screen and you get to be part of that energy. That whole creative energy, soul touching thing. It’s great when you can be part of it even when you are on the other side of the world and not watching it live at the same time as most are.

13. Tricialew on 06 Feb 2010 at 8:48 am #

    

    Movies and books can make me cry, as can frustration at work or with my kids. As Rae has said in this great post…it can be so cleansing! The thing that starts the waterworks most readily for me is when I’m relating a story to someone about someone I love. It doesn’t even have to be a sad story. I can get choked up by someone else’s emotional story and that person telling it doesn’t even have to be someone I particularly like (i.e.; a specific co-worker who is mean as hell and sometimes purposely makes my work life harder, but when I consider her miserable life, I just can’t help feeling sorry for her).

    Yesterday, my husband told me that as a veteran who is now a Wildlife Law Enforcement agent, he might be chosen to participate in the Honor Air Program which would allow him to aid and accompany a WWII veteran to Washington DC for a day. While he was describing the honor and reception this veteran would receive and the day’s planned events, he had to stop several times because he was too choked up to continue. I had waterfalls rolling down my cheeks and his eyes were two huge glass puddles. After being married for almost 9 years, raw emotional moments like that still happen with some regularity over our morning coffee. It’s one of his most endearing qualities. He cries at movies too but he claims it’s mostly when he sees me doing it.

    If you find a guy who unabashedly cries when telling a story (unless you suspect he has an axe murderer lurking beneath his soft heart) put him on your prospect list. He’s probably a keeper.

14. Amrie on 06 Feb 2010 at 9:29 am #

    

    I definitely cry just about all the time. Movies, TV, etc. Sometimes I cry over a TV show and then just keep crying in a cathartic, “get the tears out” kind of way. Confession time: I get choked up sometimes at a curtain call for a Broadway show. Maybe there’s a hormonal imbalance or something HA!

    All the friends I watch TV with, like on Thursdays at my house and stuff, they all know I’m a crier, and are completely prepared to see me with tears streaming down my face, but I’ve definitely had issues with watching a show at my desk at work, where suddenly, I’m crying, and I have to just sit there, face my monitor, and fight the sniffling that’s sure to follow so no one knows that A) I am watching TV at my desk and B) crying my eyes out over it!

15. Carol34uk on 06 Feb 2010 at 11:53 am #

    

    I’m a total crier. I cry at the drop of a hat, but I don’t mind. It used to embarress me but I went many years not crying and bottling up my emotions so I think a lot of it is “backed up” tears.

    Great post Rae.

16. Jeannie on 06 Feb 2010 at 1:14 pm #

    

    Oh man, I always thought I was the biggest crybaby in the world because I can cry SO easily and the littlest things can trigger it. I cry when I see other people cry. I cry when there are tender moments between family members on TV. I cry when I see little kids look remotely upset on the train. I cry during any sort of death scene in movies. It’s pretty embarrassing.

    My friends’ favorite example of this was a scene in Jersey Girl (which we saw in theaters, that alone should make you cry) in which Ben Affleck gets mad at his daughter and in the heat of the moment tells his daughter that he wished she was the one who had died and not her mother (who, FYI was played by JLo and died during childbirth…. spoiler alert…?) and when that happened I just LOST IT.

    But anyway, my friends give me shit for crying over TV and movies all the time. But the catharsis does help alleviate some of the displaced tension. And Grey’s is a definitely one of those shows that’s guaranteed to make you BAWL. When Denny died, my roommate and I were in separate cities but we locked ourselves in our separate bathrooms and called each other so we could try together. Hehe. I guess the next time you need a Grey’s crying buddy, I’m available!

17. Mélanie on 06 Feb 2010 at 3:02 pm #

    

    *shy away*

    ‘by Rae’.. Well didn’t know there were guest posts.

    *cough* I mean, of course I knew…

18. Vanalam on 06 Feb 2010 at 3:41 pm #

    

    I’m right there with you, Rae. I cry during movies and TV shows all the time, at the drop of a hat, at sad, happy and touching moments. I find it very cathartic, perhaps because I often don’t allow myself to cry for my own personal sad or difficult situations. Unless I’m crying over someone else’s story, I don’t really like people to see me cry. I have a hard time allowing myself to be vulnerable and really letting others in, so to let them see me experiencing my emotions on such a raw level is not something I like enjoy doing, but sometimes you just can’t help it.

    I was different as a kid. I’ve always been an emotional/sentimental kind of person, and as a kid, it seems like all of my emotions came out my eyes, or at least sadness, fear and anger, anyway. This prompted my 2nd grade teacher (in one of my most vivid childhood memories) to pull me out in the hallway one day, leaving me there alone after telling me rather forcefully, “If you have to cry, learn to cry quietly!” I understand I must have been hard to handle, but this always felt harsh to me. I did learn to cry quietly though, and am surprised when my adult tears come out (as they did most recently watching “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee”) in full-on convulsing sobs.

    As for men crying, I grew up with a father who cries easier than my mother, and I’ve always been able to respect men more who are able to and aren’t afraid to cry when the story/occasion/situation/emotions call for it.

    I also have a certain sentimental reverence for tears. In general, it is a personal rule for me not to wipe tears away since I feel it devalues them or is like saying what you are crying over is not worthy of your tears (with the exception of the ones that hang off your chin or hurt your eyes, as they are just annoying ).

19. Kristen on 06 Feb 2010 at 5:32 pm #

    

    Finally. I don’t feel alone! I cry ALL THE TIME! When I’m sad, happy, scared, even angry. I think it’s because I live with an extremely difficult situation that if I were to cry over, I would never stop, so I cry over small things like TV or movies or songs. It is an extremely cleansing thing. And just like Vanalam, I don’t wipe the tears away.

    The whole thing with guys not crying has always been interesting to me. My dad’s one of those people that tells you to stop crying, which, once you’ve started, is impossible. That’s like telling a guy to calm down when they get angry. I’ve never understood why getting in fights and throwing temper tantrums is accepted but crying isn’t. It reminds me of when Tim Tebow cried when the Gators lost the SEC Championship to Alabama. He got all sorts of crap for it. Why shouldn’t he have cried? It was his last ever college championship on an undefeated season! If that’s not a time to cry, I don’t know what is! Lol.

    One thing I’ve noticed about myself, though, is I do get uncomfortable when other people cry in front of me. I don’t know what to say so I kinda just sit there and say nothing.

20. Vanessa on 06 Feb 2010 at 7:00 pm #

    

    Like most human beings, I cry. I am weird about it, though. I used to cry rather easily, but in my late teens had some family turmoil that changed so much about me. That change included how I cried. I will now bust out a joke, or turn into a hard-ass when I feel like crying in public. A wall instantly goes up. I had a bf tell me “You should cry more” at one point because I wouldn’t cry no matter how mean he’d get in an argument (why was he being mean, anyway?!) There is a saying “Never let them get your goat!”, and you know they can’t get your goat if you don’t let it out! So I stopped letting mine out. I really have the need to be the rock for my family and my friends, so I often keep crying in check for them as well. But stifling it can be smothering! It does eventually make it’s way to the top, and by then it only takes a sad show or an overwhelming event and I’m in my own private sob fest. For years I acted so cold about the situation with my Dad, yes it took years, and one day I was caught sobbing at Grey’s Anatomy during the whole George’s Dad business (why does this show do this?!), and in my moment of weakness or truth, however you see it, admitted “I know I act like I do not care about the situation with my dad, but it hurts. It really hurts.” And, until this moment, those words were never spoken again. I put those emotions and tears away. It’s a defense mechanism at this point. I don’t let my goat out! I don’t cry over death, and I don’t cry in scary situations. I’m a nurse, and I tend to have a “fight” response when an emergency happens. The crying comes later & in private, if it was a particularly emotional situation. That also makes me think of the Amish folks in our area. I have had many as patients, and they do not cry around other people. One Amish woman who went into a closet to cry when we had to tell her her son had passed always sticks out in my mind. They have a stoic culture. Sometimes crying is cultural.

21. BabsiS on 07 Feb 2010 at 9:14 am #

    

    Crying helps me a lot, too. Especially when I’m under intense emotional stress, a 5min crying breakdown helps me to gather strength and keep on fighting. I’m surprised I haven’t cried recently, since I’ve been very stressed out about my tests at university. Maybe I’ll cry when they are over – cause crying because I’m happy happens, too

    With TV shows I love or movies, I’m also very sensitive LOL. My friends have already made fun of me When I love a character / story, I just feel their pain and sadness. And then I have to cry. You should have seen me watching Lord of the Rings – The Return of the King at the movies. I cried almost throughout the entire movie LOL.
    I’ve cried many times while watching LOST, too. e.g. when the ship exploded and I thought Jin died. Or when Sawyer lost Juliette. Or when Charlie died. Or… Or…Or… Oh well…

22. Rae on 08 Feb 2010 at 9:54 am #

    

    Woah, you guys! Thanks for all the responses! I love knowing that it’s not just me. (Especially when it comes to Grey’s!!! Here’s another secret for you: The writers’ blogs about each episode? Also make me cry almost every week. It’s a sickness, I tell ya.)

    @Vanessa: That is fascinating about the Amish. I didn’t even really think about the cultural aspects of crying. My sister is a nurse too and she, like you, keeps a tight reign on her emotions. (Altho, my mom can still make her cry…) A lot of people tend to mistake it for coldness but I’ve always seen it being more about control than anything else. As in, she has to control it or she’d always be a mess.

23. Rae on 08 Feb 2010 at 10:03 am #

    

    Oh and several of you mentioned it… I have a funny story about UP. I went to see it with my friend Mo and her daughter HP (who is more like an honorary niece to me, so she means a lot more than “her daughter” implies). As we were waiting for it to start, Mo told me she spent the morning getting sucked into— I mean, watching Lifetime movies. To which HP goes, “And she kept crying!!!” Funny mostly because Mo is the one who mocks me the most about my crying (“I heard you sniffling over there!”).

    So we watch the movie… and as we’re leaving Mo and I are trying to inconspicuously clean our glasses (from the tear splatter, you know?) and HP notices, “Did you guys CRY?!” Umm, yeah we did. I don’t think you have a heart if you didn’t! HP shook her head at my explanation that the story was sad and looked at me and said, “They aren’t real people, Rae.”

    Ahh. So jaded for one so young! Ok, not really. I personally think it works the other way around when it comes to a story like that… which is why I believe UP was really made for the adults with the dog stuff thrown in to amuse the kids.

24. k8hinote on 08 Feb 2010 at 8:20 pm #

    

    Well I knew it wasn’t just me! I’m a cryer too and Grey’s is definitely a trigger. I pretty much cry every time Locke is on the screen in Lost, I cry a lot during figure skating for some reason and I’ve also got a weird applause trigger. I don’t know what it is. Any sort of uproarious, appreciative applause makes me cry. It’s very hard to watch award shows. I also fall victim to the other people crying thing. It is nearly impossible to hold them back in those instances.

    I haven’t had them as much in the last few years, but there are still breakdowns at my desk here and there. That is the worst. Inevitably, some male attorney will see me and be all awkward and say “are you okay?” and that’s the worst. It helps that I work in a big company and I’ve got lots of girlfriends there, and they totally get it that sometimes you just need to cry and be done with it.

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