Eye for an Eye

Yesterday, @bloemche wrote a comment to my Valentine’s post about the teddy bear some of you may have seen by now. It’s in rotation in the header images above. If you haven’t seen it, just keep refreshing the page and you eventually will.
Or you can just look at this screen cap I embedded into the post. Your choice.
Anyway, I thought it might be a nice topic for a non-Lost related diddy (hey remember those?), after all Rae and Marivic both blogged about some of their header images. And to be honest, it’s odd I haven’t thought to talk about the little guy here yet. He does have an interesting story.
My Aunt Joanie bought him for me when I was 5. And actually… whoa… now that I’m doing the math… she was younger than I am now… still in her 20s, in fact! Wow.
……….. wow.
Okay so my mom, my sister and I were visiting her and my uncle in Brookline, Massachusetts. For some reason, shortly after arriving, I was really set on having a stuffed animal. I’m not sure why, exactly. I seem to remember some sort of deal I made with my aunt. So one morning, we set out for the toy store. It was just her and me. My sister was either still sleeping or too little… or maybe she just didn’t have the same sweet deal I had.
Now, we get to this place… and it’s, like, stuffed animals as far as the eye could see. Cause a 5 year old’s eye can really only see about halfway to the back of a toy store. I’m walking up and down every aisle, checking out tigers, alligators, what have you. And the way I always remember the story is that this little teddy bear literally fell from one of the shelves onto the ground in front of me. What’s more, the spot he dropped from didn’t have any other bears like him. He was a full-fledged, one of a kind! The decision was pretty easy. I mean, it was practically made for me.
So we walked to the register. But just as we were about to pay, my aunt asked if we should get an animal for my sister.
Okay now, what I’m about to tell you, I should preface by saying… I’m not proud of what I did. But it was a decision I made in the moment… one I cannot go back and change.
About 3 feet from the register was a big bucket of these really strange looking stuffed animals wearing baseball outfits. I say strange, because to this day, I’m not totally sure if they were bears or beavers. But one thing is certain, they were not the stuffed animal my sister would have chosen had she been there.
“She’ll like this,” I said.
“Really?”
And guess what. She did. Believe it or not, she loved that thing like she had picked it herself… she refused my insistence that it was a boy beaver… in her eyes it was definitely a girl bear. She replaced the baseball outfit with a little pink dress… the baseball mit that was permanently sewn to the end of her right arm was just a slight deformity that made her special… the cap sewn onto her head, a creative fashion statement. In her eyes, Ubi (pronounced: you-bee) was perfect.
Which would make my bear, Joey, even more perfect, right? After all, he wasn’t some generic gimmick from a bin. He was a one of a kind. I mean, he fell at my feet.
Well, over the next year, my sister and I grew pretty attached to our bears, Joey and Ubi. We took them everywhere with us. We took them to Spain in 1981. And they traveled with us through the Pyrenees into France. We stopped at this hotel near Lourdes (yes I grew up very Catholic). And it was there that I made what some might refer to as “a mistake 5 ¾ years in the making.” I decided to let Joey slide down a winding staircase banister. Because the picture of it in my mind was just way too spectacular not to make a reality. And I mean, he was more than the perfect bear, so he could easily pull off a simple, perfect slide.
But he didn’t. He didn’t slide. Just sort of toppled at my light push. I should have remembered that about the dude; his penchant for falling. He fell straight down on his face. And I saw something flick across the tile.
His eye.
If you notice in the picture he has no eye.
Oh man, I cried. I felt so guilty. I remember apologizing to him like crazy throughout the trip; my mom promising to fix him when we returned to the States. But would it be the same? Had I permanently stripped this bear of its perfection? Even if we glued it back, would I ever be able to forget that the glue was there? How was my sister doing it? I mean, it’s a baseball mit, not a hand! How was she able to look past that?!
Well, as you can see from the photo, we never did fix it. And actually, the missing eye came to define that little bear… so did the jelly that got stuck in his fur a few years later… and the second eye he lost on my way to college…
But I think it was during those initial months of guilt… the realization that he wasn’t perfect… that he was fragile, vulnerable to hurt… perhaps it was then that we formed this inseparable bond that keeps the little guy at my bedside always.

Rae on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:39 am #
I’m sure there’s some sociological statement in there about how your sister was able to look past Ubi’s “deformity” but doesn’t it just boil down to how much an unexpected gift can mean?
Love this story, John. Thanks for sharing.
PS: Just think how cool Joey would have looked with an eyepatch?!
P-PS: Words can not describe how happy I am to have your pictures back.
Jenn on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:55 am #
The picture of your bear has always reminded me of a bear my dad had when he was a kid. My dad gave that bear to my brother when he was little and my brother had it with him ALL the time. I think my brother still has it. The bear has been through a lot, but is still loved.
TheGamesAFoot on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:58 am #
Dangit John *sniff sniff* you just brought a tear to my eye!
I can only hope that my godson feels 1/4 of the way you feel about Joey as the Build-A-Bear I made him the day his was born, Amigo!
My godson is 5 months old, as is Amigo.
I made Amigo in the hopes that he’ll be my godson’s favorite teddy bear and that he’ll carry/drag him around always
Kate (@allfivehorizons) on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:59 am #
Joey looks deep in one-eyed thought in that picture.
Sheema on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:03 am #
I love this story! It goes to show you that it’s those little imperfections that individuals (or the things we love) have that makes them special.
caren on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:15 am #
“Believe it or not, she loved that thing like she had picked it herself”
It was probably because YOU picked it out for her. I have some toys I still cannot part with simply because my big brother got them for me. Never underestimate how much little sisters adore their big brothers.
At least until we grow up to realize that brothers are stupid and really do have cooties. (yes, cooties are as real as the legacy virus)
John Cabrera on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:17 am #
Rae, I’m not sure if its sociological or just a difference between her and I, but I will say this… had the shoe been on the other foot, and I been the one surprised with say a beaver in a ballet tutu, I think there would have been a lot more crying, and eventually I’d have gotten a trip to the toy store too. For me, this says more about my relationship to this absurd concept of perfection. And yeah, an eyepatch would gave been so rad. Not sure why I didn’t give him one. Maybe cause it would have been a reminder.
Lizz on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:19 am #
That’s the nicest story I have heard in a long, long time.
John Cabrera on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:20 am #
caren, that’s very possible. I never actually considered that. God, that makes me feel even worst for pulling that beaver out of that bin.
Caryl on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:40 am #
I love this story and the connection between you and your bear, Joey. A lot is said between the lines and it all brings a smile to my face.
Pauline on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:56 am #
Having trouble finding the right adjective to describe this post. Sweet is the first that came to mind but I don’t think you look at your actions in the narrative as entirely sweet… but there are moments of sweetness with both you and your sister, your 5YO motives aside.
I really love what Joey has come to mean symbolically. It’s not only a reminder that hard knocks in life are what make us interesting but that sometimes it’s the imperfections that make something (or someone) lovable…
I bet you that bear had a blast falling off that railing… after all… he jumped to you in the first place. Perhaps he recognized in you a similar penchant for falling in some way?
Just be thankful it was his eye and not his head that fell off. Seriously, I speak from experience.
(As a former Catholic I’m still fascinated by the story of Lourdes. So cool you’ve been there… even though you were so young.)
caren on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:58 am #
aww, John! Don’t feel bad about it! Your aunt asked if you should get something for your sister. You could have said no but you picked something out for her. Maybe you didn’t put as much thought into it as you would now, but at 5 years old it was a thoughtful gift.
And also, you were 5 and had just found a magical bear that made you feel like the luckiest kid on earth. For one moment, all that mattered was you and Joey. Everyone needs to be a little selfish at one point or another, and that’s ok. That was your moment and not spending the time to pick out something you knew your sister would love was you being that ok-type of selfish. You needed to be special at that moment as a tribute to Joey.
You also asked how your sister looked past the imperfections of her beaver-bear? Maybe the imperfections reminded her that nothing is perfect. But in her eyes, it was perfect because it reminded her of the day her older brother shared those special first moments with Joey with her.
@carol34uk on 15 Feb 2010 at 10:24 am #
Nice post John. It’s rare for blokes to discuss having teddies, in fact this is a 1st for me.
I feel the same way about my teddy (Pookie) he still has both eyes but he does have a burnt spot. It’s a party scar.
Jeannie on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:09 am #
Oh my god this was the cutest little story ever. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us.
I’m always amazed that some people can hold onto relics of their childhood for this long. Mostly because I myself have never been able to. Or I never think to. Which is something that I do regret. So now all I have are memories.. and sooner or later even those will be gone! Sad face..
Diana / bloemche on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:30 am #
Oh John –
that´s the cutest story ever (and as I´m NO Lost fan I´m glad you can post about something else as well *cough*).
So happy my comment inspired you to tell us about Joey. I also have one stuffed animal (it´s a hippo called Nili & we stick together since I was 3 years old) which sleeps in my bed every night.
You know, sometimes it´s weird, I have the feeling I know you so well & from time to time you still surprise me (in a positive way)!
And isn´t it weird that I have the feeling knowing you well?! Um. I´m kinda sad that you don´t have a livejournal account – otherwise I could share some of my stuff with you as well.
xoxo
D.
kimberly on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:43 am #
great post.
i especially like that he is still around as a reminder of these important memories. people often find it too easy to recall painful times in life. the good times define us even more because we have to make a deliberate effort to see them and hold onto them.
steph on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:10 pm #
yeah, it most likely WAS because YOU picked it that she loved it so much. i’m a younger sister, so i’m just going from my own experience here. older brothers are godlike.
john, i’ve followed you on twitter and been a “friend” on fb for a while now, and i’m always delighted by what you share with us.
Casey McKinnon on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:21 pm #
I should’ve kept count of the number of times I “Awww”ed while reading this… it was at least 4. Really sweet story, and I feel your pain… maybe someday I’ll tell you the tale of Pinky Bunny
TEALV8 on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:37 pm #
i gave my nephew joey (as coincendence would have it) a little bear for xmas over twenty years ago. it was a last minute item i pulled off the shelf to even up his gifts w/ his brother & sisters. when i got it home, i realized that it wasnt made very well & the color didnt look like a color youd give a male child (a honey color), but i didnt have much of a choice. i wrapped him up & put him under the tree.
turns out my nephew loved that little bear & named him ted. him & ted were inseparable for most of his childhood. over the years i re-attached many things on ted. he was slowly being “loved” to pieces.
when my nephew graduated i bought ted a little bear sized cap & gown, & he sat next the grad cake.
my nephew joey has not had an easy time in the last decade. when my brother died, ted accompanied my nephew to his fathers funeral. ted has spent time in half way houses & even the psych ward as joey has tried to re-assemble his life.
my nephew says that the only “person” that has never let him down is that little bear & while that breaks my heart, im glad that he has something that comforts him when his life seems to be in chaos.
Vanalam on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:16 pm #
Thanks for sharing your story about Joey, John. I’ve always wondered about that adorable bear in the photo. The part of the story in the toy store reminds me of a part of the movie “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium” in which a sock monkey on the toy store shelf is desperately reaching out to one of the people in the store, begging to be picked up and loved. With my penchant for anthropomorphizing things, I imagine that’s what Joey was doing to you, reaching out, falling and, luckily for him, getting the attention of someone who would love him for the rest of his life (even though he might lose his eyes someone along the line
). And Ubi was lucky that you grabbed her (even if it was without much thought) for your sister, someone who would love her, when she could have easily been considered a “misfit toy” by others and wasted away in that toy bin. Sounds like it was a happy story in the end for both people and stuffed animals involved.
Bev on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:47 pm #
Very nice story, John. I still have a stuffed dog named Gaylord, who only has one eye, and a doll named Timmy that my mother made for me. Mom tried to give them to my nieces when I was in my twenties and she assumed that I had outgrown them, but I got them back. They are very dear to me. I especially cherish the doll since my mother has been in heaven for 12 years. I am at a mature age . . . let’s just say that I’ve been eligible for AARP for a few years . . . but I plan on keeping these treasures forever.
k8hinote on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:19 pm #
I think that story pretty much sums up why I like you so much.
John Cabrera on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:23 pm #
Tealv8….. D: Well I’ll start by saying that I’m right now in the process of a deep apartment cleaning, and I’m using a lot of Clorox. But after reading your comment my eyes started stinging real bad. Thank you for sharing that. My heart goes out to your nephew.
Mélanie on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:53 pm #
What a cute story. I wish I had a stuffed animal with such a great story.
M.December on 15 Feb 2010 at 4:08 pm #
oh my God this was insanely touching.
Kyle on 15 Feb 2010 at 7:12 pm #
The earliest stuffed animal I can remember is one I got when I was 2. For my birthday, I received a “Bert” stuffed animal and my twin brother got “Ernie”. A few years later, Bert was starting to show his age, so I was given another Bert. With the logic of a 5-year-old, the original Bert became “Old Bert” and the new one (which was smaller) became “Little New Bert”. But the original Bert was never overthrown as my favorite–even as he became more and more bionic as my grandmother patched him up every time she visited.
Vanessa on 15 Feb 2010 at 7:54 pm #
Everyone! I loved reading all the little stories about everyone’s very loved lifetime pals. It’s always comforting to have a childhood relic that meant so much. They have been with all of you through so many ordinary and extraordinary moments in life. My beloved “Sleepy Kitty” that my mother made for me as a wee young’n is sitting on the rocker across the room from me as I type. I took her everywhere, and slept with her tucked under my cheek for many years. She came in great handy when I was pregnant with my first child, and I tucked her under my growing belly so he could do his flips and kicks at night with a little safety cushion for myself. She came with me to the hospital when he was born, and that first night I held him between me and Sleepy Kitty, and it felt like peace. She has been tucked beneath his cheek on several nights when she catches his eye and he insists on taking her with him to sleep. She is a unfailing source of comfort. She is an extension of my Mother, who made both of us.
kelseroo on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:08 pm #
Lovely story, John! I think the toys we loved the most as kids got the most abuse. That is wonderful that you kept him for so long! Most of my toys that got a lot of abuse my mom eventually would throw away. Makes me a little sad thinking about some of my old buddies… Definitely keep more posts like this coming! I like the non-Lost posts:-)
Tricialew on 16 Feb 2010 at 4:08 am #
The great thing about the way you write is that I can see it all happening in a fuzzy vignette-like movie screen…sometimes in slow motion as in the teddy bear’s first fall into your path and then the eyeball eliminating tumble. Great story and thanks for sharing it.